The Most Beautiful Suicide

Today I will kill myself.  

I will leave this life behind
Before I am swallowed up
By my own fickle passions.

Today I commit suicide.
And daily I will kill myself.
A sacrifice?
The bloodstained alter and
Burnt incense are desired fate.
I know my death
Brings something higher--
The metamorphosis of life.

I am not living anymore. 

I am not myself-- 

My mind,

My heart,

My strength, 

My very soul...

Are dead. 

Now that it is finished,
I find God is here.
His image,
His likeness.
His flesh.
His blood.

I wear his scarred hands.
This heart pumps his blood
Into these veins.
I can never forget his death
And my death that follows.

And tomorrow?
I will kill myself...again.

By killing myself I know Him.
The only Way to see his face
Is by looking into my own.
His face
His face
His face
If only one day to see that face.

I must die first.
Die completely,
My own life will steal my joy.
And in my heart I quietly rejoice,
This is the most beautiful suicide.