It was the first day. As I was sitting in class my mind was escaping me. Maybe after almost four months away, I was not used to mental discipline or focusing. Why did the walls have to be white? Why was the air-conditioning blasting into the right side of my head? Why was that guy wearing boots? Were they alligator skinned? Regardless, why? It's so hot, I shouldn't have worn shorts. Was that my cell phone? Where's my pen? This is a small class...
Eventually, I found myself staring at the professors beard. His beard made me curious. I wondered how anybody so completely bald could have so much hair on their face.
If anyone were to ask me what I notice first about a man, maybe I would say his facial hair. Or the lack thereof.
How a man wears the hair on his face tells a lot about who he is, I thought. It might reflect his value of hygiene, his sense of style, even his relationship status. It was then that I decided, if I were a guy, I would have a beard. Not a big thick one like my professor, and certainly not with a bald head, but a beard would be nice. It would be kind of scruffy maybe, but not shaggy.
I couldn't let the beard get too long or it would start looking like pubic hair. That's unattractive. And it needs to be course, otherwise I'd be a peach with fuzz on my face. That's embarrassing.
Sometimes when my brain wonders I don't think about how strangely the implications of such thoughts might reflect on who I am. I didn't want a beard, I wasn't wishing I were a man, I was just thinking if I was, I should grow one.
I would need to have a mustache too. I think I could have a mustache with no beard, but never a beard with no mustache. Men who have mustaches are one of four things: a) over fifty-five and still stuck in the eighties, b) pedophiles, c) trying too hard to be hip or d) actually are hip.
What does "hip" really mean anyway? It's out of date, like "groovy." Maybe "fresh" or "fly" would be better.
...no probably not.
Younger guys who cannot grow beards are not less manly, hopefully. It usually depends. It's apparent that one day, all men grow beards, even if they're late. So, if I was a guy, and I couldn't grow a beard, I wouldn't try. I would wait years, decades, before I ever tried to pull something off that looked like anything less than complete, mature facial hair.
"And that will be due at the beginning of class next Tuesday. Any questions?"
Oh. Wait. Crap. I had no idea what he just said.